......someone has been naughty. After checking the Oxfordshire definitive map for a BOAT to explore, I found a good looking candidate. I checked on Google maps road-view to make sure I knew what the entrance looked like and then set off. Upon arrival, I discovered the BOAT had acquired an official OCC "Do not enter" sign. Thinking back to the Google maps road-view, I remembered the self-same sign had been on the opposite side of the road and some kind person seems to have moved it across the road. Whist I was examining the sign, I notice that the fixings were very un-council like. At this point a rather sheepish man appeared out of a house next to the BOAT and asked if I was lost. Looking down the full length on my impressive nose, I informed him I was known as the Sherpa Tenzing of Cowley and, by examining the lichen on his apple tree I could tell him to the nearest millimeter where I was at any given longitude. Returning my attention back to the sign, I asked him how long it had been there. Shuffling his feet, he mumbled something that sounded like Mary Beers but, I think, what he actually said was, Many Years. Pointing a gloved finger at him, I said, "Sir, you obviously do not know that I am a founding member of the Sherlock Holmes appreciation society and, I can deduce by the lack of bark growth and rust around those cheap B&Q nails, this sign has been here for a month at most. What's more sir, by your lack of eye contact, use of familial terminology and hike in your systolic blood pressure I also deduce that you were the scoundrel who moved the sign." Then, with a final flourish, I sped away at 4mph and left him to contemplate his despicable act.
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